DarkAsrai's Xanga

As Asrai Turns LMAO I am Happy WOOT

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 12:34:54 GMT

Ok divorced. WOOOOOT! Changed about 90% of my stuff ya know papers, license blah blah stuff. My love life has changed ...He is a wonderful man but he wanted something I wasn't ready for maybe if this was a year down the road I would feel different. He is happy now.. I think so that is all that matters. I have met someone else and taking things REAL slow. He understands because he just got out of something messy not too long ago, plus he has younger kids. Anyway he is really nice, good looking, has a well paying job, and holy shit is the next town over. Not the physical type that I usually attract, but maybe that is a good thing. We will see.

Got a note from my publisher only 2 of my poems are going to be published not 4 ... BUT HEY THAT IS MORE THAN I THOUGHT... I don't get why anyone likes my stuff... it's either way too mushy or depressing as hell. ~Shrugs~

Ummm what else. Work is work.. pays the bills lets leave it at that.

Got a kitten a couple of weeks ago and he finally warmed up to me. Some bastards in the city in my state had kitten traps and he was trapped in one for a couple of days. At the time she was only a couple of weeks old The f*ckers leave the poor things to starve to death the nice people at the animal place saved him and his sister. I couldn't take both kittens I have a good size apartment but two little terrors... too much. I came home yesterday and he was swinging from my sheer window scarf ... needless to say I fixed that so he couldn't get to anymore. He is just too damn cute. Oh his name is Balboa... as in Rocky Balboa... originally they thought he was a girl so his name was Bonnie.. so I tired to stick with a B name and same amount of syllables

I lost a couple more pounds ~woot~ my mother actually made a comment about me being to thin... LMAO me too thin. I have about 5 more to go and I figure that should be good.

My band is good... I just got over bronchitis (spelling I know) so took a 2 week break. We are going to get a practice in either Tuesday or Thursday this week. I looks like we have a gig at the end of August to open for another band woot... Hey ya gotta start some place.

I may sound a little blah right now kids it's just because the coffee hasn't kicked in ... was up way too late last night.

Ok enough of me rambling .. got some notes saying what the hell is going on with me so THERE YA GO :)

Monday, May 01, 2006

Mon, 01 May 2006 12:58:44 GMT

Well things are going really well. I was actually in my new place for about 2 weeks now. The closing for my house was Friday .. made a nice chunk of change that I am going to invest. I did buy myself a new computer because my home puter was kicking my ass with that hand crank that I had to use to make it run. KIDDING. I have a couple people that I am dating nothing serious, I am just getting treated how I am suppose to. Something I am so not use to... Like last night I got invited to go too a cook out.. I expected burgers hot dogs etc etc. OH NO... I got marrinated steak and jerk chicken, before that a plate of cheese, fruit, stuffed olives, artichoke hearts, Italian pasta salad.. OH AND with each differnt food selection there was a differnt wine to go with it. A straight man who can (and loves) to cook, knows good wine and makes me laugh OH WHAT EVER SHALL I DO?? LOL Oh and the man can dance too and not just the slow stuff... Ok need to get the stupid look off my face because I am at work.. Ciao for now I will keep you updated

ATTN:: XANGA SHOPPERS

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:53:15 GMT

I SOLD MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I will be in my own place by the first of May and I will be offically divorced by the second week in June>>>> HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTt!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 13:53:37 GMT

Ok just hear this song had not heard it in a long time by Cinderlla, Winds of Change... this so suits right now.

I look into the mirror
Can almost count the years
The memories are clearer
Of all those things i feared
I watch the time pass slowly
It comes and goes like the waves
The sea can touch the sky at night
It's got the freedom i crave

I'm going through changes in my life
I'm going through changes
It'll be alright

Look into a picture
A thousand years are told
Now is it any wonder
What our tomorrows hold
Our yesterdays are over
You know they go so fast
If i could rule the winds of change
You know i'd make it all last

I'm going through changes in my life
I'm going through changes
It'll be alright
Alright

I walked alone through the blackest night
I felt the cold, i felt the bite
I took the high road but it ain't right

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 13:40:53 GMT

Good Morning all,

Just saying thank you for all the kind words that came so quick. I am going to be fine. Remember I am the one that initiated this. I just need to get this process rolling and someone he who will remain nameless (COUGH SMURF) is dragging his feet.

I want simple stuff right now. I want to be able to come home to my new clean, clutter free apartment and make myself oh just a grilled chicken salad and not have to worry about making someone else something. I want to sit on my couch and yes (its a guilty pleasure) watch Sex in the City with out seeing eyes roll. Dammit I want control over the freakin clicker (yes I still call it that). I want to be able to go to the gym and not have to look at the time to make sure I get home at a certain time to cook someone else dinner. I want a couple of other things to but I am trying to keep this a PG-13 blog atm. . I want to be able to practice my magick with out worry that I am going to wake someone up or offend his kid. I really took these things for granted before when I was single. I wanted to have someone in my life so badly that I lost part of myself in the process. People who were in GoldenWyven saw that process happening, I did too to some extent, but I assumed it would "get better". I never expected to "change" my husband because male or female you can't... and even to ask something like that is incredibly unfair. I thought (there I go thinking again) that once we got this house that his motivation would maybe kick in a little... when it came to the house and other things..... it just got worse. My husband is a good man he really is and he is good to his kid (I don't have kids just reminding). HOWEVER, he is not a good husband... People who know me know that I have a very strong motivation when it comes to things that I want... There is nothing that will stop me when I want something... (I am not talking materialistic things either gang). When it comes to a job, goals, etc. I let nothing stand in my way. I just want this process over with. I want to take this big divorce & selling my house band-aid and rip it the hell off, get it over with and move on. Now those who are reading this who don't know me my think that I am upset right now I am not. Those who do know me and reading this know that I dislike stagnation in my life... I like movement another words ON WORD.

Ok I need to get some work done..

Asrai

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 19:32:49 GMT

Greetings all...

Attention Attention this is the broadcast of the Asrai update system... This is not a test.....

Well gang I told him. Sunday on January 15th I asked my husband for a divorce. It went well, concidering. . I ask him if he was happy he said he had been feeling neglected this past month..(snickers him feeling neglected umm ya right). I said well I have been feeling that way for well over a year (try 2). I asked can you imagine living the rest of your life like this. He said no... I took a deep breath and said I think we should part company, get a divorce, sell the house and make a clean break before we begin to resent the living hell out of one another. Because I don't want to do that. And blah blah blah there was alot more after that, but you get the idea kids. No blood sucking lawyers .. I can afford but he can't.. Just going to split the house divy up the stuff.. I ask that my friends think positively for me and that all this goes smoothly.

Another update.. I have lost a total of 33 pounds now so I actually feel good about my body now...I know I know HOLY CRAP!!!! I love being able to buy a piece of clothing and not having to worry to hide my butt or thighs. WOOT

Ok enough of my blabber ....

This has been an announcement of the Asrai broad casting system thank you for reading

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 19:19:26 GMT

Ok we are getting down to the line... My dreams have become really messed up. Which makes me doubt what I am doing. I could be just totally paranoid, but when we went over his sister's house on Sunday his whole family except for his brother-in-law was acting weird towards me... shrugs who knows. Well his sister has never liked me and his brother-in-law has always been cool towards me. His mom well that's hard to say she is a very loving woman, but seems sorta of fake at the same time...... Shrugs again *********rhetorical statement********* WHY THE HELL DO I CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't, I just dislike hurting people.

Don't worry I am still going thru with this.... My doubts are my own insecurities and I hate hurting others... I am just flat out scared now. I know once its all over I will be sooooooo much happier its just getting from here to the happiness. Well I can't say I am totally unhappy . So it will either be the weekend after the first 1/7 or 1/14 it will depend on which weekend his daughter is over.. I WILL NOT do that while she is over. I may be a bitch but I am not heartless.

Good news: I got a raise don't know if I mentioned that woot not sure how much, but from the grape vine I the only one that got one. I don't think that is really fair BUT I also need the raise. So I figure until this goes thru (D) I will stay at my second job. Once everything is said and done I believe I will be able to hoof all by my lonesome with just the one job. WOOOOT and I will have my life back. Can I get a WOOT WOOT from the back.

Ohhh I am a little punchy right now gang sorry.....

Asrai

Monday, December 05, 2005

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 00:36:59 GMT

Ya I know I said I was going to post regularly ....

Things are starting. I have done massive clean up of my house. Getting rid of little bs that I have collected over the years that I no longer need. Everything from buttons that I have no clue what they go to, to candles, baskets, purses, hair crap ect ect. Also since I have lost about 30 pounds now I have totally gutted my closet not many close that fit now. Thank the Gods I was smart enough to save some of my clothes from when I was thin. I have also have a bag ready incase I need to stay at my mom's for a couple of days. Going to Target this week to get a fire safe to put copies of all my documents, credit cards and checks going to keep that at my mom's. I am going to try and do this with out a lawyer. I don't think that I am going to need one, but I am using logic .... I have the money for one, but he doesn't so going to present it well we can do this the easy way....... and explain what the easy way is. If he flips out then I will say OR we can do this the hard way and I will get a lawyer. I am going to try for the end of the week of January 1st which I believe is around the 8th or so. I am not going to lie I am scared and dreading all this, but this needs to be done and has needed to be done for some time now. I am going to ask my friends out there for their healing energy, possitive energy. Guilt has been getting the better part of me lately for reasons I can not say at this moement. HOWEVER, that is not the reason why I am doing this now ... it has been a long time coming and those who know me know I have been unhappy for sometime. My husband is a good man we just can't be good together and haven't been good together for well over a couple of years now. I am not saying this to have a pity party upon myself just to let my friends know what is going on. Oh I will still be living here for awhile untill this house is sold hopefully it will sell quickly another reason why I am trying to get rid of the clutter.... Probably doesn't look that cool to him that I am getting rid of a bunch of stuff , but I can't worry about.. Oh who am I kidding I worry about everything LOL. As a good friend of mine says "it will be alright darlin' it will be ok" (thanks woman for being there for me).

I am still working both of my jobs and will continue to do so for awhile to have a safety net of money. He is also out of work right now (got laid off) BUT he is getting severance pay for 4 months. He cut off the mohawk, not for me, but so he can actually get a job. The way he looked before no one would hire him..........Anyway this is the end of Asrai/Silversky's rant. I will keep you up to date.

Asrai

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 14:05:02 GMT

Well here I am again... I am truly amazed by people sometimes. I will just leave that sentence like that......

Not looking forward to turkey day.. Why, well I am happy to see my family Mom, stepdad, great uncle, stepbrother and his new woman, and stepsister her husband and the 2 monsters (I like kids but these two omg) The thing I am not looking forward to is the other person that has to come. My mother keeps asking is he still coming. What am I going to do say umm you can't come sorry. Well I guess I could do that lol. I am trying to behave as normal as possible. HA normal my house.

Good new is I am not upset about this whole thing, nervous yes about reactions and how ugly its going to get. I don't feel guilty. I feel bad that I am going to hurt him... I would be a cold hearted bitch if I didn't. That is why I am also waiting till after Christmas not that I celebrate it.

***News bulletin**** I just got a response back from a friends brother who works in the next town over from me. He is going to help I am crying happy tears. I don't know who or what has given this to me but I would like to thank them with every part of by being. I know there is journey hasn't even really started yet, but the plans are in motion.

Regarding an unexpected part of my life I am glad you are here this will be all over soon for both of us.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 17:52:02 GMT

Ok ok I know its been MONTHHHHS since I have posted. Lots going on. Geez where to begin.

I got an additional job working part time at a party store I started that at the end of September. It was suppose to be just a seasonal position but they liked me so much they kept me on. That money is getting used towards my shoe fund and I have a pretty good chunk of change saved up not enough yet. The work is mostly making balloon arrangements, cashiering and straightening the store.. not horrid but not whoo hoo fun either.

Said note I had to put my cat to sleep she just stopped eating and drinking brought her to the vet and they said she is just so old and suffering so .. well that was an awful day. I still can't get another animal yet. I am also sorta waiting for something else too.

Had to let go of someone in my life he is a good person he just needs to figure out what he truly wants to do. Since he doesn't know I can't be a part of that.

The shoe fund is coming up in the next month or so little later than planned, but things happen ya know. I am dreading this day, but I can't live like this anymore. Hopefully things will go as smoothly as they can and that the shoes want the same thing (smirks).

Oh on a positive note I have lost since the end of September till now 22 pounds so I needed all new clothes. Thank goodness my birthday was on 10/31 and mom and dad were generous.. I am actually at the weight I am suppose to be for my height . I wasn't even there for my wedding. So yes kids those of you who have seen that wedding picture I weight less than that. I want to loose a tiny bit more for what I call breathing room.

OK going to end this I will be a good red head and make sure I post at least once a week.

Asrai